Good Morning, Meetpastordan Readers… I would have had to been asleep at the wheel to have missed the prompting for this week’s blog. Sometimes, as I have said before, I have to ask the Holy Spirit to lead me to the appropriate topic that will bring honor and glory to God because my “topic tank” seemed to be empty… but not so this weekend.
On Saturday, Pam and I joined some friends to attend an off-Broadway play entitled “Men Are From Mars and Women Are From Venus”, based on the book by John Gray. It was extremely funny and entertaining, and as you might expect, extremely “worldly”. But the crux of the topic was spot on! Not to seem totally redundant, but men and women are inherently wired so differently, unless there is some understanding of this REALITY, confusion and conflict is unavoidable. And in our microwave-oriented culture (meaning an immediate gratification oriented culture), when that confusion and conflict does arise, it’s becoming easier to “bail” than to work on a solution. “Wow! What happened to him/her? I never saw this coming. I thought he/she loved/respected me. This isn’t what I bargained for. I’m not going to put up with this ‘stuff!” So then the justification begins, and it becomes just like what we read about in the Hollywood tabloids. “I deserve better than this!”
But on Sunday, I attended Grace Church-St. Louis where Pastor Ron Tucker is presenting this series: “What the Bible says about Relationships.” Yesterday’s topic was “Love and Respect”, based on the book by the same title by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. His own summary of the book states: “The marriage relationship is built upon the fact that the ‘primary emotional needs’ for men and women respectively, are that men need respect and women need love, just like they need air to breathe. Without love, she reacts without respect; and without respect, he reacts without love. Therefore, misunderstandings in communication are expressed using simple metaphors to illustrate that men express through a blue megaphone and hear through a blue a blue ear-piece while women use a pink megaphone and hear through a pink ear-piece.” So much for modern-day “research”.
Now let’s look at the way God sees the marriage relationship. In his eyes this relationship is a microcosm of His relationship with us. “We love because he first loved us.” (1 John 4:19) In the beginning, meaning in Genesis 1-2, God declared, “It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a companion to help him”. (Notice the word is companion/partner, not slave!) “So God created people in his own image; male and female he created them.” And he charged them with this task, “Multiply and fill the earth and subdue it. Be masters over all the fish, birds, and animals. ‘At last!’ Adam exclaimed. She is part of my own flesh and bone. She will be called ‘woman’ because she was taken out of man. This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” This is the answer to the mystery of marriage… the two becoming one. When they are separated, neither man nor woman is complete.
In the New Testament the marriage relationship is compared to the relationship between Christ (the Bridegroom) and his followers (the Bride). Notice this is an extension of 1 John 4:19 above. Ephesians 5:21-30 explains this union. “…you will submit to each other out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy and clean, washed by baptism and God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
I can’t tell you the number of times I have heard these all-important lines taken out of context and misquoted to support some God-forsaken agenda. Therefore I took the liberty to boldface and underline at will to emphasize the truth contained therein. Bear in mind that Apostle Paul was talking to believers, “God’s holy people in Ephesus, who are faithful followers of Jesus Christ. (Eph.1:1), not to unbelievers! Therefore, the term “submit” is not meant to infer any kind of servitude. Rather, it is something that is done out of reverence and respect for the husband, who in this case is leading his household (followers) in a Godly way.
When the term “love” is used in this context, it is always in reference to Agape (unconditional, self-sacrificial) love. That is what Jesus expressed when he went to the cross for us “while we were still sinners.” (Romans 5:6) Husbands, when you love your wife with that same self-sacrificial love and express it in your attitude and deeds, it fills your wife in a way that allows her to show you the respect you so desperately need. That sets up this cycle: the more you put her first and show it with your words and deeds, the more she wants to fulfill your needs; the more she fulfills your needs, the more you want to show her the love she needs; the more she fulfills your needs, ta da, to da… “Well”, you say, “that sound good in theory, but how do I do that?”
Here’s how. First it begins by asking God to be at the center of your relationship. Let’s face it…living up to the example of Agape love as presented in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 is impossible: “Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of wrongs. It is never glad about injustice, but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful and endures through every circumstance. Love will last forever….” To accomplish this through our own effort …no way! Why? Because we have an adversary (satan) who gets right in the middle of these marital disputes and convinces us to dig in and hold our ground. After all, “I deserve to have it my way!” or “I hate him when he treats me like dirt. I’ll never let him touch me again! These thoughts always bring out our worst words and actions.
So let’s stand on this Scriptural truth. “God is faithful. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you will not give in to it.” (1 Corinthians 10:13) And that way out is the Holy Spirit, given to us when we accepted His Gift of Grace so we can make choices that bring honor and glory to him. He knows we’re only dust, and that we are no match for satan. But when we call on the indwelling Holy Spirit to give us His wisdom, courage, strength, insight, patience, perseverance – whatever it is we need to bring honor and glory to Him, his word says he’ll hear and answer our prayer. It’s all about us getting “self” out of the way and calling on the Holy Spirit to work through us so we can become the person he created us to be long ago. That turns a contentious encounter into a God- pleasing encounter. All honor and glory be to God! Amen.
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May God Bless Ya…
Dan Presgrave (a.k.a. Pastor Dan)
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