THE CHALLENGE OF RELATIONSHIPS

Good morning, meetpastordan readers.  I have been sitting here for about forty five minutes trying to get clarity regarding today’s message. To be perfectly honest, I feel like the tank is totally empty right now.  Over the weekend I pondered a few ideas, but none of them really took root.  So as I have stated many times before, I opened my eyes this morning hoping for the Spirit’s inspiration to fill my mental and emotional void. 

As I have sat here in my office praying for wisdom and guidance, the Spirit did hear my plea. But what I have found to be typical in an instance such as this is…many times His prompting takes a different direction than I might have expected.  At first I struggled with His idea, and asked if He had a plan B that may be more to my liking right now…kinda like Moses’ lack-luster response to God’s plan for him to ask Pharaoh to “let my people go”.  But after what seemed like an eternity in this morning’s wasteland, I finally acquiesced and yielded to His will.  So here goes… I’m putting my fingers on the keyboard now and will continue asking for guidance.

A rather common statement among pastors is, “this would be a great job if it weren’t for the people I have to deal with.”  Now I really don’t think pastors have any exclusivity with this statement because I’m sure, regardless of the profession, you could – or maybe have – made that same statement.  But as I’m sure you already know, that statement really has nothing to do with a profession, but has everything to do with relationships.  And another truth I’m sure you have experienced more than once is this: relationships do present a formidable challenge because each is unique and has to be nurtured in its own unique way.

I have learned a lot about relationships over the years, so at this point I will use my own bad self as an example of how not to foster good relationships. When I look back on the beginning of my career, I was young, enthusiastic, and DRIVEN!  I was going to make my mark in the music world regardless of what that required. Since I was in a leadership position, I looked at the people with whom I worked as pawns to be used on MY road to success.  If you played for me, it was my way or the highway. And I could be, and was on numerous occasions, ruthless in my methodology.  But I felt justified in my approach because…after all, “I” was on the move; I couldn’t tolerate anyone holding ME back!!  So needless to say, my identity was totally tied up with “My” product; and “MY” product was my criteria of success.

With the attitude I just described, it demanded that I keep pushing ahead, always looking for the next conquest.  Unfortunately that wasn’t just the way I handled my career…it was also the way I handled personal relationships at that time in my life.  It was of utmost importance to me that you understood how “I” felt.  And it was equally important that I always had the last word in a conversation…however long that took!  So as you can see, when one is on such a self-centered trajectory, a future calamity is inevitable.  And true to that last statement, my calamity came on April 21, 2000 and it took me to AA for help.

The next morning when I walked into my first recovery room, I was ready to admit I had a problem and my life “seemed a bit” unmanageable.  But truth be told, I thought I would learn “the art” of drinking more responsibly and shorty would be back in business with a bit more self-control.  But what I learned instead, through the wisdom shared in that room, was that my problem was not just with alcohol; my problem was ME and MY stinkin’ thinkin’!  Wow!  Was that an epiphany!  But with that revelation came the beginning of a life-changing transformation.

Today I look at life differently.   Today I can say that I believe the most important investment we can make is an investment in other people.  That statement is so simple, yet it is totally wrapped in truth.  We are told in Luke 6:31: “Do for others as you would like them to do for you”. This is also known as the Golden Rule.   Proverbs 16: 22  tells us: “A cheerful heart is good medicine.  But a broken spirit saps a person’s strength.”   Another cultural statement that that is built on that same truth says:  “You can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar.”

One of the pillars of the 12 Step Recovery Program is the serenity prayer.  Oh what life changing wisdom is contained therein.   “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.”  As these words take root and come alive in our heats, we quickly learn that the only thing we can change is our self.  As followers of Jesus Christ we have the power of the Holy Spirit in us to empower us to undertake this process, and it is only through the Holy Spirit that we can continue to become God’s “masterpiece”.  (Ephesians 2:10)  As we become the person God created us to be, only then will we be able to bring our very best to a relationship.  When both people are at their best, the relationship can be at its best.

I have the privilege of being part of a BBT group (Biblical Business Training), and one of our recent topics was examining the qualities of an effective leader.   No doubt we talked about preparation, execution, communication skills, integrity, time management etc.  But the question that garnered the most conversation was, “what quality do we admire most in a leader.”  The unanimous answer revolved around the leader’s ability to inspire us to give our best, and those traits included a positive, yet constructive attitude; passion and personal commitment to the task at hand; and exhortation.  1 Thessalonians 5: 11 tells us, “So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.”   And Ephesians 4:29 states; “Don’t use foul or abusive language.  Let everything you do and say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.” 

The book of James tells us in 3:2, 5-8:” We all make many mistakes, but those who control their tongues can also control themselves in every other way.  The tongue is a small thing, but what enormous damage it can do.  A tiny spark can set a great forest on fire.  And the tongue is a flame of fire.  It is full of wickedness that can ruin your whole life.  It can turn the entire course of your life into a blazing flame of destruction, for it is set on fire by hell itself.  People can tame all kinds of animals and birds and reptiles and fish, but no one can tame the tongue.  It is an uncontrollable evil, full of deadly poison.”

Whether you are dealing with a one to one relationship or if you are a leader dealing with your team, God’s Word is resplendent with appropriate scripture.  Love and forgiveness are the common themes of the Bible.  I would like to close with a familiar passage from 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8.  It talks about agape love, which is  self-sacrificial love.  This is the kind of love Jesus demonstrated when he was here on earth. This is also God’s definition of “Love.”

“Love is patient, love is kind.  Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude.  Love does not demand its own way.  Love is not irritable and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged.  Love is never glad about injustice, but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.  Love never gives up, never loses faith. Love is always hopeful and endures through every circumstance.  Love will last forever…” 

So my question to you is…what do you admire most in your leaders?  Feel free to respond to this post and please share it with social media friends.

May God Bless ya…

Dan Presgrave (a.k.a. Pastor Dan)