Good Morning, Meetpastordan Readers…Isn’t it interesting how sometimes we believe that whatever it is we’re experiencing is the worst possible thing that could ever happen to us, but then it turns out to be a blessing in disguise? I’m sure everyone has had that experience at some point in their life, but in my case, I’m referring to my experience with the 12 Step recovery program. When I heard people introducing themselves by saying, “I’m so grateful I’m an alcoholic!” I knew I was definitely in the wrong place. Grateful? Are these people nuts? What is there to be grateful about? I’m at the depth of despair; at the moment I see no hope that I’m going to be smiling in the near future, and there is no place I would rather NOT be than here! That was my mind-set when I took a seat at my first AA meeting.
I met Mike, the person who was to become my sponsor, at my second meeting, and dutifully accompanied him to other meetings – actually 90 meetings in 90 days. But it took awhile for my mind to open and for my heart to soften. I was very skeptical of the first three Steps of recovery, which are admitting I’m powerless over alcohol and drugs; believing in a “higher power”; and being willing to turn my will and life over to the care of God as I understand him. (honestly, I had no clue) These steps are intended to get us on a spiritual foundation before we start the action steps, but in my case the foundation was pretty shakey.
Step 4 is the first action step and would prove my biggest challenge. This is where we are called to take a fearless and thorough moral inventory of ourselves. So here’s the truth…I was very good at taking everyone else’s inventory. I had no problem telling you what your problems were. In fact I could easily point out that if you changed this or that, I wouldn’t have to react the way I characteristically did. So you see, it wasn’t my problem, it was really your problem. So shape up!
My sponsor was particularly patient with me. He pointed out my arrogance and championed my need for humility. (Was he talking to me? I couldn’t believe it.) But he never let up, and eventually his message began puncturing my ego.
The first time I wrote my Step 4, it was on a napkin. Mike shook his head, smiled, and emphatically told me to buy a notebook – a thick one – and to do this step in pencil. Every day we met I would think, “Surely this will be my last day on this Step”, but it always ended the same way. “Keep writing!” he would say, and he never failed to stress this point: “You have a chance to change your life right now. Take advantage of it. Keep going and be honest, because whatever you don’t deal with now will eventually rear its ugly head again – and probably at the least opportune time.” For some reason I believed him, so I kept writing.
The whole point of Step 4 is to come to the understanding that we are not god. What I discovered through this step was that I always wanted what I wanted, when I wanted it. And in most cases, if it was pleasurable and if it fed my ego, I couldn’t get enough of it and was willing to do whatever I had to do to keep the spigot flowin’. I discovered I needed to feel valued and important.
This Step is usually the make-it or break-it step in recovery, and it can be the same story for our Christian walk. This is where we come face to face with our distorted thinking; this is where we have to ask ourselves if we are really ready to give up the old me to start crafting the new me. In most cases this is not an easy question to answer. But if we honestly assess where our ego-centered thinking has taken us — in many cases, places we would never have thought possible – then the thought of a way out can suddenly become appealing. Now we are more willing to explore the possibility of “what if”. What if this concept of a higher power is true? What would it really mean to turn my will and my life to the “care” – not control – of God. What if God is loving? What if he does want the best for me? What if I really can become an Overcomer?
When our mind opens and our heart softens, we begin showing signs of being transformable, which is exactly what the 12 Step process and our Christian walk is about. And what follows next is the often dreaded “getting into action mode”. But now that we are experiencing a glimmer of hope, the action idea is less daunting than before. In fact, the thought of change is now becoming appealing. What if….what if?
At this point I’m sure it’s hard to tell if I’m writing about the recovery process or the Christian walk. Well, that is not surprising because they are actually one and the same. The 12 Step recovery program is based on solid Christian principles. The Proclamation that has existed in the Bible throughout the ages has been “Repent! Turn from your sin and turn to God” Repent means to be willing to change course. If we substitute the word “self” for “sin” (which really means “living with the focus on self rather than God”), the battle cry is exactly the same. In both cases the need to turn to something greater than self (God) is the answer. (In the Overcomer classes at Grace Church St. Louis, we proudly proclaim our higher power to be Jesus Christ!)
In the Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, it states that the quality of our sobriety is directly proportional to the daily maintenance of our spirituality. In the Bible we are called to “die to self” so that the power of the Holy Spirit can empower us to do what we can’t do for ourselves. In the Book of James, 4:10 it is stated this way: “If we bow down before the Lord and admit our dependence on him, he’ll lift us up and give us honor.” 1 Corinthians 10:13 tells us: “God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out.” And that way out is in the power of the Holy Spirit.
From the fall in the Garden of Eden until today, man’s eternal dilemma has been the Sin issue. And at the root of the Sin issue is man’s sin nature, which is living independent of God with the focus on self; believing that he is god and that he doesn’t need God. As long as man is in charge, he wants what he wants, when he wants it, and he wants as much as he can get. Getting those needs met produces these character defects: anger, hatred, jealousy, envy, deceit, guilt, shame, remorse, lying, cheating, stealing, lustful thoughts etc. All of these defects of character are rooted in evil and are contrary to God’s plan for our life. And yes, they characterize our sin nature. (human nature)
That’s why 2017 years ago, when we proved ourselves to be “utterly helpless” in overcoming SIN issue (Romans 5:6), God implemented his plan that was formulated even before the world began. He always intended to provide a Redeemer and Savior, Jesus Christ, to do for us what man has never (including today) been able to do through his own effort. God did this so we could qualify to enter the Kingdom of Heaven to spend eternity with him. And what is that qualifier? 1 Peter 1:16 reveals God’s answer: “You must be Holy because I am Holy.” In other words, we can’t come into the presence of God if we are stained with sin (unholy). Jesus Christ in the only answer. If we are in Christ, his blood has washed away our sin and we are heir to eternal life. As Jesus said in John 14:6, “I am the way the truth and the life. No one comes to the father except through me.” Thank you, God, for your perfect plan for our salvation, and thank you, Jesus, for being willing to pay my sin ransom with your holy blood. (And thank you, Mike, for your patience)
As you can plainly see, when I was at my most shamefully broken time with no hope for the future, God revealed himself to me through the 12 step process. The things I used to mock, ridicule and demean are the truths that guide my life today. And FYI…today at meetings, I introduce myself as “Dan, a very grateful, recovering alcoholic.” 🙂 God revealed this truth through the prophet, Jeremiah: “I know the plans I have for you; plans to prosper you, not to harm you; plans to give you hope and a future.” That’s our loving Father speaking to his Proudest Creation (us)…even in our broken state.
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May God Bless Ya…
Dan Presgrave (a.k.a. Pastor Dan)
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