Good Morning Meetpastordan Readers… I hardly slept last night because I lay awake trying to anticipate the appropriate title of this posting. It could be “The Joy-filled Life” (pt.2); “The Essence of Gratitude”; “Why the Blessings Flow”, etc. You get the drift. Even at 4:30AM, (I slept in a bit), I’m sky high! But the good news is…it’s a different kind of high today. It’s not an external stimulus, but an internal transformation that has made all the difference. And the icing on the cake right now is a hot cup of coffee at hand, and my best friends, Cliff and Glenn, snuggled up beside me. It already doesn’t get much better than this.
So where to start? March 14th is a special day for me, because a few decades ago I made my entrance into the world. Like all babies when we enter the world, I looked around at my new environment and saw all the bright lights, people wearing masks, flashing monitors, and did what all babies do …Whaaaaa! “Where am I? I was all warm and cozy; this place seems a bit cold and sterile.” Knowing full well my entrance story might be a bit exaggerated, the point is…the first thing a new born becomes aware of is “itself.” And the sad truth is, we can go from cradle to the grave with the focus entirely on our self and miss the whole panorama that can be ours for the asking. I know about that because that was me for half century.
Many of you reading this already know my story, so I don’t want to repeat it here. Suffice it to say that I was always self-centered – well actually, an ego maniac with an inferiority complex; extremely driven to get what I wanted; a pleasure junkie; and an alcoholic for about 38 of those years. No doubt the list could go on, but that snippet gives you a picture of the potential volatility in my personality.
I grew up in a small town in Ohio with loving, nurturing parents who gave me their very best. They raised me in a small fundamentalist church that we attended about three times per week. As a child I was OK with it, but in my teen-age years I became critical of what I saw going on around me. Everyone collecting the offering, reading the scriptures, directing or singing in the choir on Sunday – but not many living the Christian life Monday through Saturday. And in a small town, everyone knows who is doing what – and with whom!
That, coupled with my discontent with the message and the wagging finger that said, “You’d better watch out; God is watching you He’s keeping a record. He’ll punish you!”, then there was always the threat of eternal damnation. Yuck!! The problem was…everything they were saying we shouldn’t be doing was what I liked to do. So needless to say, I couldn’t wait to get away from that church and that God…who I knew had to be thoroughly disgusted with me. So I took the next 40 years away from church and away from God. So I’m sure to know one’s surprise, I became my own god.
As most of you know, I chose a profession that gave me a title – a title that conveniently served as a mask. I was comfortable living the image of a professor; a conductor; or a maestro. But if you put me in a room by myself and ask me who I was – without telling you what I did – there would have been dead silence. Truth is…I had no idea. And therein was the problem. There was always this incredible emptiness, and like most people in that pathetic state, I filled that void with all the wrong things; the struggle for power and control; drugs, alcohol, cars, clothes, women, more things and more things. All are temporary fixes, but definitely not the answer.
My answer came when I was caught on tape displaying some of my friends’ most candid observations of my behavior; aggressive, off-the-charts; despicable; I even heard the word monster. Me? I couldn’t believe it! I was sophisticated, well-educated and I knew how to treat people. After all, I was a leader. But, thank God, that tape revealed the truth and there was no denying it. It was at this point I admitted to myself I needed help, and was actually ready to surrender. So this broken man offered up, after a long drought, something as feeble and unceremonious as, “God, I don’t know if you’re there or not, but if you are…I need you. I have to stop drinking and I know I can’t do it on my own. Please help me.” That was it, April 21st 2000, and I haven’t had a drop of alcohol since then. But THAT got my attention, and it started me on a journey of transformation that took a few years.
The transformation was drastic, because in my god-like days, I was a professed atheist and enjoyed challenging and ridiculing those who professed faith. “How can an intelligent person like you (implied: or like me) be expected to believe such a fairy tale. Come on…that’s ridiculous.” But as revealed in the Gospel of John, 8:32, “Jesus said, if you follow my teachings you will know the truth and the truth will set you free.” That’s my story. I started looking into Eastern Religions, Islam. New Age Philosophies, but found what I needed when I returned to my roots. In 2008 I became an ordained pastor and served as part of a four team pastoral staff as Director of Pastoral Care. After three years, I stepped away from the church to become a Christian Counselor, a teacher again (I’m on the teaching staff at Grace Church, St. Louis, and at St. Patrick Center where I lead a men’s spirituality class), and I publish a weekly blog. God has definitely used my weakness to become my strength…just like he said he would! What an Awesome, faithful God we serve!
In in addition to my new direction in life, I am still blessed to be able to conduct great music with the extraordinary Saint Louis Wind Symphony. I can’t think of anyone more blessed than me. Yesterday I had the privilege of conducting the premiere performance of Julie Giroux’s magnificent, Symphony No. 5, “Heartland Portraits”, commissioned for, and dedicated to the STLWS by Pete Poletti, a member of our tuba section. He did it to honor the memory of his parents. Julie, certainly one of the foremost names in wind music today, was on hand for the premier; we had a huge crowd; and the STLWS was at the top of their game. What an honor to be part of such an organization with such great musicians and such an awesome friend and Associate Conductor, Tom Poshak. I pinch myself each day just to be sure this is not all a dream. But so far…so good!
So how did all of this come to pass? How did I get from the darkness into the light? I had a radical encounter with Jesus Christ. When we come to the end of our rope with nowhere else to turn, we become aware of our own insufficiency. James 4:10 is also my story: “When you bow down (meaning come in humility) before the Lord and admit your dependency on him, he will lift you up and give you honor.” I’ve experienced that too, along with all the other promises in the Bible that I’m heir to, because I am in Christ. That is not blind faith. That is evidential faith!
There is absolutely nothing like a second chance at life. I, and my beautiful, engaging, supportive wife Pam, and our two pooches, Cliff and Glenn are living the abundant life Jesus promised us, so this is indeed a joy-filled life too. Thank you God for your faithfulness, your unconditional love, and your Gift of Grace…and thank you for another birthday. I am still blessed to have a lot of tread left on these wheels.
Trust me when I tell you, there is nothing special about me. My story is only the pathway to this truth: the transformation I just described is available to anyone who is willing to invite God into your life and trust him to lead. That is the key to peace and serenity and the abundant life we’re all searching for. Believe me…everything else is counterfeit!
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May God Bless Ya…
Dan Presgrave (a.k.a. Pastor Dan)
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